On this date at approximately 2:30pm, I began to receive the first of three phone calls that would change my world. They went something like this:
1st Call: Hey…. do you know where Shelly, John’s wife works?
Asa: No… I don’t know exactly where or the name of the company…. but it’s an agency that looks after developmentally disabled kids.
1st Call: Ok…. (Hang up).
My first impulse, as my heart started racing, was what a strange and unsettling conversation. I began thinking that something is definitely up but I avoid thinking the worst. Why would they call me looking for Shelly? Although John is my partner, I have been away on a special assignment for the last 2 weeks. Maybe he got hurt…. probably in a car accident (I’m hoping) and they just want to let her know he’s okay.
2nd Call: Hey we need to get in touch with Shelly. Do you have a cell number or work number for her?
Asa: No…. what’s going on?
2nd Call: (Silence)…. John is hurt and we need to talk to her.
Asa: How bad is he hurt?
2nd Call: I’m not sure… I gotta go…. Talk to you later.
Now I am getting that feeling of dread. It has got be really bad if they are scrambling to find Shelly. I try not to think the worst. I try to get the last two phone calls out of my spirit and bury my head in reading reports. I can’t shake this feeling though. I’m calm. It’s an unsettling calm though. I go to find a colleague who may have more information. I see that he is on the phone…. deep in conversation. I get an eerie feeling. I walk back to my office. This isn’t good.
3rd Call: Hey…. where are you?
Asa: What do you mean? I’m at the office.
3rd Call: I’m sorry to tell you…. John is dead. He was shot and killed earlier this afternoon.
Asa: (Silence. I go numb. I feel like I’ve been placed in a vacuum. My soul goes blurry…. disoriented). Ok…. thanks.
I leave the office and go out to the back of the building. I break down. I had never felt anguish like that before. Even when my Father had died earlier that year. His death was a surprised but not totally unexpected. An unexpected violent death of someone close to you brings a different dimension. It takes you to a dark place.
I heard someone say recently that God can make something beautiful out of tragedy. I have had to search deep, for a year, to find the beauty in John’s death. I guess for me it’s appreciating my friends and co-workers. It’s easier to see the value in familial relationships. Now, I make the time to sincerely engage with those I work with. Now, I don’t take the moments I spend with my friends for granted. Now, when I say to a friend or co-worker: “stay safe” or “see you later”, it takes on a different significance.
I have also come to realize that the most sacred thing we possess in life…. is life itself. Cherish it. Don’t waste it. Share it with others. Make it count for something.
One year later, I still ache.
See you in heaven brother.
John Charles “Sparky” Atkinson.
Born: 28 May 1968.
Died: 05 May 2006.
May 5, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Peace. I hope you’re having nice spring weather today.
May 5, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I’m sorry for the loss of John, Asa.
May 5, 2007 at 9:37 pm
Wow Asa, I am still grieving with you my man. Stay strong, and remember that you are still here for a purpose.
Peace.
May 6, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Thanks you all for your love and encouragement!
May 7, 2007 at 8:08 am
Sincere condolences and blessings. Thank you for having the courage to share your grief. I hope you feel sustained by the prayers and good wishes of people who both respond to your post as well as those who read your post but may never respond.
May 7, 2007 at 8:43 am
Alexis…. thank you for your kind words, prayers and good wishes.
May 7, 2007 at 1:01 pm
ASA,
MY SINCERE THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO YOU AS YOU GO THROUGH TOUGH TIMES OF LOSING A FRIEND, COLLEAQUE AND A HERO. JOHN DIED DOING WHAT HE BELIEVES IN.
TAKE HEART AND STAY BLESSED.
IYA
May 7, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Thanks Iya! Blessings to you also.
May 7, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Asa: I appreciate you not keeping the memory of your friend to yourself. He is now a living memory for all of us.
James
May 8, 2007 at 1:33 am
He must have been a very brave person too, or else your path might never have crossed his. Afterall, it is written that “Iron sharpens iron”. No life filled with bravery can have been lived in vain. It is impossible for this to have been so. Therefore take courage from that. You, your family and your friend’s are in my prayers.
May 8, 2007 at 11:00 am
Asa,
I feel your grief personally. I lost my nephew to a senseless murder. You never really get over these things you just get used to the condition. I have nuff respect for you opening up and sharing, as I know there are others that can feel your pain as well.
Victor Amenta
May 8, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Asa:
My thoughts and prayers are with you always.
May his soul rest in peace.
Dreena
May 9, 2007 at 10:56 pm
I can’t imagine.
May 10, 2007 at 6:30 am
Thank you all for your comments of encouragement!
May 12, 2007 at 4:57 am
Stay strong Asa and the sincerest condolences from me too.
May 12, 2007 at 10:22 am
I’m really sorry, in arabic it is *allah yer7amu*-may god forgive him.
May 13, 2007 at 12:26 am
Thanks Aulelia and Kizzie! [;o)
May 15, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Asa,
It’s always a tragedy when someone so young is taken from those that love them. I share your grief in a personal way. Likewise, I understand, truly, how devastating it can be when it seems – to our inadequate understanding – so senseless and unexpected.
May God grant you the strength to hold John’s memory close enough to remind you of the lesson you discovered: Life is worth living – every second, every day. All the rest is details.
Strength, John.
Ron Albright
May 17, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Hey Asabagna, Hope all is well!
Peace,
Bygbaby
June 24, 2007 at 2:02 am
Asa, my heart goes out to you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.